Random Quotes

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
       ~ George Burns

“If I were two faced, would I be wearing this one?”
        ~ Abraham Lincoln

“I am not young enough to know everything”
        ~ Oscar Wilde

“I recently found out that my credit card was stolen but I decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than my wife.”
        ~ Anon

    
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of stairs.
“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said.
“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No,” she said.
“Good,” he answered.